Joy vs. Happiness

 Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God. — Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (But I heard it from Stephen Colbert, when it struck a chord for me.)

Stephen was on Oprah and he spoke of the time between ages 10-18 coming to terms with the death of his father and two brothers in an airplane crash. He said it was like having a secret identity, like a name that no one else could pronounce. I so get this. I have for most of my life been an open book. But my secret identity came 10 years ago in the form of a headache. It is something so innately a part of me that I can't even describe it. Not the pain or the depression. Not the part of me that has been slowly eaten away. Nor the fact that it deserves it's own name but in 10 years I've been unable to christen something I hate and resent so badly. 

Happiness isn't hard for me but my moments of joy are like treasures in a box. There's not an unlimited supply and where they came from is not always there to share them with me anymore. My family is the greatest source of joy and I feel that they have been cheated the most. I HATE this headache more on their behalf than the pain it gives me. I find joy in the things that I discover that I love. Lately that is Korean dramas. It would rightly be called an obsession but it's my latest thin tether to sanity and I actually learning the language so YAY!!!

My friends intrigue me. I make friends easily and find that people are very accepting of my prickly personality. Why do some stay and why do some find it easy to throw it away. My most quality friendship that is the most valuable and still valid began at age 15. I was mean to her first. Terribly mean. I along with another friend bullied her and I've asked forgiveness so many times that it angers her. She says she's forgiven and forgotten and I haven't. Maybe so.. But being cruel is not something I forget. Recently I was unfriended on Facebook by someone who sort of mattered to me. I was surprised. I don't see her as a reason, a season, or a lifetime. More like a mistake.  That being said, I give you a poem to ponder:

Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

Where are my political rants?

I'm still campaigning for President Obama but it's been a LOT easier this time because so in Mitt Romney. I haven't needed the catharsis of the Patch as much as I did before and I have taken on new projects that keep me astonishingly busy. But I had to share a little levity about my favorite demographic:

Happy Autumn to those of you who still check in. I will try to do better.

RIP Matthew S. Mezger Sr. Frenemy.

Passing of Matthew S. Mezger Sr. Mezger, Matthew "Steve" 58 of North Chicago, IL passed away on Tuesday, July 10, 2012 at Vista East Medical Center in Waukegan. He was born April 3, 1954 in Corona, California and married Josephine Bena on January 7, 1978 at Holy Rosary Church in North Chicago. He retired from Civil Service at Great Lakes in 2001 after 15 years of employment. He was a member of Queen of Peace Church in North Chicago. He enjoyed music, playing the piano, guitar, spending time with his grandkids, watching sports, swimming, roller skating, watching old movies and loved a good political debate. He also enjoyed going to the beach with his children. He is survived by his wife Josephine, his children Jennifer (John) Price of North Chicago, Jackie (Brad) Moon of Sheboygan, WI, Julia (Josiah) Jones, Jr. of Waukegan, Jamie (Ben) Donovan of Milwaukee, Judy and Matthew Mezger, Jr. both of North Chicago. Grandchildren Hailey, Abby, Evan, Emily, Josiah, III, Joey, Julian and Matthew, III; one brother William (Sandra) Mezger of Linnwood, WA and two sisters Lillian Mezger of Gurnee and Cecilia Mezger of Middletown, CT. and one nephew Steve Mezger of Washington State. He was preceded by both his parents. I'm sad to hear the news of Matt's passing. He loved to goad me and vice versa. He will be missed.

Asian Invasion and the Method To My Madness

Long time no see, right? I’d like to say I’ve been accomplishing great things, but I really don’t do that anymore. I just kind of exist. But you know how I am. I get obsessed by something and it’s all that I do. I discovered that I really like Korean dramas. Of course on the outside it just looks like I find hot young Korean guys and become a creepy stalker, but in all honesty there is a little more depth to me than that. I watched one series called City Hunter, where the South Korean President and some of the highest ranking government officials and big business owners betray a group of special forces and shoot them in the water leaving the explanation as to what happened a bit hazy. Unfortunately for them, one guy lived and he’s pissed off about the betrayal. He decides to avenge the deaths by kidnapping the baby of one of the men who had been shot in the secret mission and raising him to become an ultimate fighter in every sense. I am the wife of a Trekkie and one of the wisest things that came out of Gene Rodenberry’s mind was the oft spoken mantra of Spock: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few or the one.” Isn’t that just the truest thing ever? The problem with that is who gets to decide what is the cause great enough that people should die for it? In City Hunter, these people are truly corrupt and motivated by money and power. But the vigilante is filled with hatred and vengeance. He uses an innocent child to exact revenge but he’s not honest with him. The boy grows to manhood and is just another casualty in this insane war as is his mother who not only lost her husband but her baby. Evil guy doesn’t count on the fact that this man he’s grooming isn’t as blood thirsty. He can bring the men down but he does it by exposing their corruption. The President is last and his motives for covering up his past crimes are not as corrupt. He wants people to be able to afford an education and he needs then to hold off long enough to pass the law. No one escapes unscathed, and you have to stop and think about S. Korean democracy which is relatively new to democracy. The history of South Korea formally begins with the establishment of South Korea on 15 August 1948. Are they more appreciative of their freedom? We aren’t. We abuse them and we are so disrespectful and uninformed. I also just finished Hong Gil Dong which is a sort of Robin Hood tale. I think that if you were to put all of the wealthy (noble, in this show) and the middle class/poor (peasants, in the show) on an even playing field, you would still end up with the class separation. It’s inevitable, but if there WAS a perfect world, it wouldn’t be about wealthy and poor. The key to success as a country is the realization that wealthy OR poor, people are the same. Wealth doesn’t equal superiority. Under the law and the president, every citizen is equal. The question is what will they stoop to, to become wealthy and powerful? This is my problem with Mitt Romney. He’s ruthless and he is out of touch with the reality of the “commoners”. There has to be a leader but the citizens must have a voice and we don’t. Out senators and congressmen don’t represent us. In most cases they love the power more than they love the people they represent. I’m not certain that there can be a president that can keep every promise he makes. I think they must choose their battles, but when they have to disappoint the few to help the many, why do they do it? Do they mean well? I believe Obama means well. I believe that he strives to be fair and keep his promises but his hands are tied. Mitt Romney is out of touch with the peasants  His motives are NOT pure and in the end, the world cannot change overnight but it can change if our leaders work together. We could learn so much from South Korea. But will we? I think not.. I think that we are unwilling to support change. It’s so sad that we are so far oblivious and a fledgling country's democracy that we helped gain their freedom has surpassed us in so many ways.

I'm pretty sure...

You have no clue where my blog is but I never lied. I did nothing more than I said I did. Bravo if you manage to track this down :)

MUST. READ.

I wish every person in the world would read the blog entry that I'm about to post. It's so amazingly true and the answer to world peace. I don't for one moment believe that I am perfect. I needed this as much as ANYONE in the whole world. Please read it and pass it along. I'm Christian, unless you're gay. I hope that everyone can look past the title. I'm not homophobic, but I'm angry, judgmental, and a hater. I know this. I want to be better.

Tis the season

If you are a regular here at the Patch you know that every year I wax poetic on one of my favorite things in the world. My annual performance of Handel's Messiah. It's the 71st performance in Cedar City. Not one year have they skipped doing it. Christmas is so commercial and when the economy is troublesome (even if it isn't) there's so much materialistic stress.  My favorite part of the season is singing in the Messiah. Our orchestra along with the Messiah chorale perform it as Handel intended it to be; free of charge. I never have the words to express how humbling it is to sing the words from the Bible that chronicle the events leading up to the birth, the ministry, the crucifixion, and the resurrection of Christ. Powerful words. Yet my ultimate amazement lies in the pure genius of Handel. He brings life to the words, he paints a picture. He uses every nuance of every instrument in the orchestra, every section of the chorale, and every soloist. I do this every year because it truly is the best part of the year for me, hands down.

In the past I've talked about Adrianne Tawa, our choir instructor. She's amazing and for the experience of learning from her, alone, makes it all the more worthwhile. Then we are handed over to Xun Sun (maestro AND doctor) who truly is astounding but the real show is watching him conduct us. Never have I seen such joy in a person. How can it NOT be the best experience ever??

Here's some of the music from last year's performance:


Isn't he amazing? How can you NOT feel pure joy performing with this man???

The reason for the season.

TRADITION!!!!!!!

My little fam has traditions that we've built from the birth of my children. My oldest is 17 and amazingly is speaking of marriage. Her boyfriend brought it up very hypothetically but.. YIKES! She's enrolled in two colleges on top of high school and she's not that little girl who named her first doll Crunchy. My distance from my other family played out here in the Patch. I'm no longer angry at anyone and I actually see things more clearly. It's come as a shock that I won't be spending Christmas Eve at my mom's house. I'm not sure why because I thought I was clear. We all have families and I am looking at two young women who will be making THEIR own traditions too (you've experienced my youngest. She's my blog high jacker).

I've bought them an ornament for each year of their existence. When they marry they will take them for their own trees and hopefully tell their children the story behind each. Perhaps they will put a pickle ornament on THEIR tree for their kids to find to see who opens the extra gift. I believe they will kneel in prayer, thanking God for the gift of his son and that we not forget HIM as we take turns opening gifts. Will they read their kids "Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa." to keep the magic alive when someone else tries to take it away? Will they leave anonymous gifts on the porch for the 12 days of Christmas, knocking, running and hiding, and as they get older biffing it in the snow as THEIR children step over them and keep running? How many of our traditions will they take with them?

What I really wonder as I enter into the second decade of headache from hell is will I be here to find out? Time will tell.

GOP insanity

Just going to share an exchange from Facebook. Names are hidden to protect the identity of the people who commented:

Moi: The GOP race is THE most entertaining thing on the planet. Rick Perry with the major crash and burn moment and the unfortunately named rock at the hunting lodge dropped him in the polls. Michelle Bachmann is just Michelle Bachmann and has been pronounced dead. Herman Cain's increasing list of indiscretions (to be polite) has only been outdone by his complete brain freeze about Libya and then there's Newt Gingrich with his problems too many to list. So one asks oneself... "Self?? Where is Mitt Romney? A flip flopping Mormon is worse that all if the above??? Oh, dear...."


Female friend: We will disagree on this, but I think learning by experience is not flip flopping. I think some things are turned


into negatives when the are really positives. I am not speaking on actual events in some cases, but in general ones.


What I thought: YOU disagree because I'm talkingWhat I said: But he's behind in the polls... WHY??? O_o That's so insane :


What I said: But he's behind in the polls... WHY??? O_o That's so insane :

Male friend: the world unfortunately will not vote in a Mormon we are too weird in their view,but a balck man from africa is ok to be our president hmmmm

That's not possible. You have to be an American citizen to run for President of the US.Moi (note the sarcasm): That's not possible. You have to be an American citizen to run for President of the US.

Moi pretending I'm stupid so these people comprehend me.. Or do they???: Ohhhh you mean Obama!!! LOL! I've campaigned for him for years. Only weird racist birthers believe that old story.

So, according to the last commenter on my status, people think we're weird but we aren't. We are stupid and racist.. Yeah dude, don't help me!!