Life.. And death.

My oldest daughter is gorgeous. Model gorgeous. She looks nothing like me and she's far more intelligent and obedient. In our faith, our kids can't date until they are 16. Even then it's recommended they date in groups. It's a huge load off of the parents of kids who are gorgeous and get asked out every single day. She's never had problems telling them no but she misunderstood my rules. We finally got it straight that the young teen "going out" where they call themselves a couple and then pass messages through friends isn't really dating and it's okay with me. She shot a lot of boys down and her explanation is usually that they have a fun friendship and to become boyfriend/girlfriend would ruin it. Make it awkward. If they persist, she usually avoids them altogether. Some take it better than others. I noticed months ago that she did seem interested in one particular kid. She had quite a crush and apparently he'd asked her to be his girlfriend and she'd said no. Now with my permission she reluctantly agreed to be his girlfriend. It was exactly like she expected, it made things awkward and uncomfortable. It didn't last long and she tried to salvage the friendship, but I told her it would take time. It would be forgotten in time.
Sometime before July 28th she started getting messages that something bad had happened to him. After calling some friends she found out he'd tried to hang himself. He was discovered before he was dead, but he was brain dead. He was life flighted but there was nothing that could be done his family was able to say goodbye before they took him off of life support. Today I took her to the funeral and I realized that I hadn't even seen him, just heard her talk about him. He was a very good looking kid and popular. He would have started high school this month (as she will) and played on the junior varsity football team. His team mates came in their football uniforms and lined each side of the sidewalk as we left the memorial. It was a beautiful service that didn't do a lot to make us understand why he felt he only had one option. The church was full of people who cared about him. People he could have talked to. We did come away knowing that he wasn't very good at admitting when he was scared or needed help and very, very, likely didn't grasp that life is a fragile thing. That he probably didn't mean to end his life but to send a message. Most importantly we came away knowing that it's not really our life to take. God gave it to us, and we shouldn't underestimate or fail to appreciate this gift. God loves us and he will be the one to judge these things that we don't always understand. He loves us and He is merciful. Mostly we came away looking at our children a little closer. That we remember how overwhelming teenage problems were to us and to never make light of them. That we make certain that we understand them and that they understand there are other options and this one isn't the best one.
It's just the most permanent.