I grew up a shy awkward girl. I've mentioned the school I went to was more sports oriented and my talents fell into an academic category. I had the best friends in the world, but I felt so average. I really never did, or do now, excel at anything. I've never had much self-esteem and I hated high school. I hated the town I went to school in and though I could never really express it, I hated myself. As I got older, especially after I had kids, I became more outgoing and outspoken. Actually downright blunt, too blunt for some people. I hated that stupid girl from that small town for not having the confidence I had developed later. I was ashamed. I was also determined to make a different life for my kids. They were and are my life. I threw myself into becoming the mom with the coolest treats for their preschool. So cool that the teacher finally let me do all the holiday treats. I volunteered in their classes through elementary school, I joined the PTA, I served as treasurer for 2 years and I can't balance my own checkbook! I did this so I could choose the best teachers for them. They tested off the chart (12th grade+)in the Star Testing before they left elementary school. I taught them to be kind and polite to the best of my abilities. I also managed to teach them to love themselves. YEARS of it and it's so easily swept away.
It turns out that mean girls exist everywhere. Even right next door. At church. They have stayed at your house. You might even be the reason they can read. And they can sweep away YEARS of dedication. I didn't help my daughter. In fact, it may be all because of me.
And I have no idea how to fix it. I just make it worse. I wish they has someone else for a mother. It seems I've done everything wrong.
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