What do you have to take into 2011?

I love my girls more than my life. I love them more than anything and sometimes they make me mad but the time I spend angry at them is miserable. My mom is angry with me. Partly because my opinions rub her the wrong way. I rub her the wrong way period. She baits me and I find myself going too far, saying wrong things. Things that hurt her like she hurts me. I don't really like my family much. There's always drama. Things that need not be said and we eat. We are mean fat people. I hate that and I hate being there. I expressed my hurt at some things that my mother said to me on Christmas over the phone on Christmas day. I thought the right thing to do would be to patch it up today, before the new year. It wasn't good and it makes me unhappy and frustrated. Nothing was made better. I shouldn't have called. My family will feel my unhappiness. I worry that she will die when we are fighting. I don't want that at all.

I don't ever want to be that way to my kids. My mom and I talked about my sister and her daughter. Her daughter is gay. My sister is determined to break it up. She has been for years and now that her daughter is over 18 and living away from home my sister has lost control over her. My niece is unhappy with the division but my sister is unreasonable over the whole thing. I don't see how she can't see that so long as she fights it, she loses precious time with her daughter. Even the time they spend isn't real because my sister is in some form of odd denial. It's been mentioned that I wouldn't be so sure of myself if it was my daughters. No, I wouldn't. It's not what I would have chosen but both daughters are past the age that all of this began for my sister and they are happy and well adjusted. I see them mess up and know it's the only way to learn. I see no reason to rebel against me or lie because I'm openly loving and they know what I hope for but they also know I am accepting and will love them anyway. Nothing's more annoying than someone who thinks they could have done a better job but at this time, I'm at home with my family. My husband and my daughters who love me very much and I love them. I'm not alone. My sister is.

I know this is harsh but my mom who was my best friend has become a bit bitter and hurtful. I miss her. I'll miss her when she's gone. The rest of them? My half siblings? I won't miss them. Not at all.