Stephen was on Oprah and he spoke of the time between ages 10-18 coming to terms with the death of his father and two brothers in an airplane crash. He said it was like having a secret identity, like a name that no one else could pronounce. I so get this. I have for most of my life been an open book. But my secret identity came 10 years ago in the form of a headache. It is something so innately a part of me that I can't even describe it. Not the pain or the depression. Not the part of me that has been slowly eaten away. Nor the fact that it deserves it's own name but in 10 years I've been unable to christen something I hate and resent so badly.
Happiness isn't hard for me but my moments of joy are like treasures in a box. There's not an unlimited supply and where they came from is not always there to share them with me anymore. My family is the greatest source of joy and I feel that they have been cheated the most. I HATE this headache more on their behalf than the pain it gives me. I find joy in the things that I discover that I love. Lately that is Korean dramas. It would rightly be called an obsession but it's my latest thin tether to sanity and I actually learning the language so YAY!!!
My friends intrigue me. I make friends easily and find that people are very accepting of my prickly personality. Why do some stay and why do some find it easy to throw it away. My most quality friendship that is the most valuable and still valid began at age 15. I was mean to her first. Terribly mean. I along with another friend bullied her and I've asked forgiveness so many times that it angers her. She says she's forgiven and forgotten and I haven't. Maybe so.. But being cruel is not something I forget. Recently I was unfriended on Facebook by someone who sort of mattered to me. I was surprised. I don't see her as a reason, a season, or a lifetime. More like a mistake. That being said, I give you a poem to ponder:
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
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