I have a very very wise niece who has, for a very long time, used a similar motto: "Don't blow out my candle to make yours burn brighter." Don't tell me that she didn't make it up or I will accuse you of being a candle blower outer.
Sometimes I feel like sunshine and candle light is further at the end of the tunnel having had the demon headache for so many years now. I am not the Monica I was before. I don't even know this Monica. Nor do I like her much. Perhaps all that is needed to find a semblance of the old me, is a bit more sunshine, keep my candle lit. I need to learn not to be angry at candle blower outers. I need to learn to pity them. Perhaps the head dwelling demon needs a name. I've always thought so, but nothing even summoned from the depths of hell has even captured the exquisite pain and destruction the headache has wrought in my life. I think I shall try to take a page from Oprah Noodlemantra's life. Live life.
2 comments:
Dear Bri,
I'm all down about the dahlias, tonight. Black and blue. It all went so horribly wrong, I couldn't stop it. My shrink keeps asking me why I'm still doing it...but I don't how not to. It took over my blog, totally. For what? Nothing. Did you ever feel like that back on the old night job? I wasn't wrong, but nobody cares about the facts anymore. And their slavish devotion to the bound book is ugly. It must be something in the glue they bind them with...like they put in newspaper ink. Magic carbon waste.
Dear Matt,
Stop paying a shrink. This is undiagnosed and can only be recognized by someone just as sick. In most cases, the facts become blurry and you wonder who even said they were facts in the first place. In my case I wonder if it even matters who did it, the blood seems to be on the hands of the fact finders. I came in a stupid know it all. I laughed at what sounded improbable. Now I listen to everything and the only thing I don't want to hear is people who sound as stupid and confident as I was. As for the old night job? I was a zookeeper, and it wasn't a classy zoo. Anything good about that site had long been run off or came along with me. The new ideas came with me too. Your work isn't wrong Matthew, but just like anything you can't force someone to believe, but you can entice them into listening. Matthew, you know I'm very fond of you. I really always have been. You leave no room for discussion or argument. Yet I've asked your opinions before, because you are a smart man. If dahlia's have you down do what I do, think of all the stupid people you know. It always cheers me up.
Bri.
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