I became something new. I became a mother. It's a funny thing being a mother, you never know if you are doing the right things or if you are doing things right. Fifteen years later, I'm still not sure. I am not your average person so it only stands to reason that I am not your average mother. I take a little here and there from the people in my life that I observe. I have 3 older sisters who I have from the age of 3 to this day, be mothers. I have friends that are all kinds of different mothers. I've borrowed ideas (my favorite being 'free secret'. If you did something you feel was wrong and you tell me before I find out, the punishment is less severe if not waived altogether.) Sometimes I just think "What?" I have found if I am not a Nazi mom, there is less reason to rebel. So far so good, but I'm not stupid. I'm just getting to the hard part.
Of course, the pattern I started with was and is my OWN mother. I feel I had a great childhood and a GREAT mom. I had no confidence, and I felt I didn't belong in my school, but that was more to do with me. My mom fostered in me, above all else, an imagination, thus I was never bored. My kids have misplaced theirs. It could be under the wii or TV.. Yeah, that would be my fault (and yes I do listen to President Obama.) My mom tried very hard to give me every opportunity (available within the rural area): piano lessons, tap, ballet.. I'm not coordinated, I have no musical talent, and I was picked last in every sport at school. It was after I was 15 that I discovered that my interests were more academic and not offered at my high school. I had to sacrifice growing up in the best place on Earth for a child, for a school that allowed me to customize their education in exchange for major PTA volunteer work. I was by far the youngest and I was spoiled, but I loved my mom and dad very much. I wanted them to be proud. I think I've fallen short within the last 8 years, but that's another story.
It's funny how you go along, doing what you do, same rules, same genetics, same sex, even same astrological sign if that helps, but waaaaaay different kids. In fact I was getting smug. So smug, in fact, that I felt I was an authority on the subject and could see plainly what I'd do different. I am no longer judging other mothers, I'm saying "uh oh!" Nothing major, yet. A bit of lazy (that came from me), a bit of ingratitude (that didn't), but I am scrambling to address these things as they come my way and while the little squatters still listen to me.
No, I'm not judging anymore. Only to say this: a good mother has no definition. You can be a good mother and have a stellar child, you can be a good mother and have a serial killer. Mostly we fall somewhere in between. I think the only thing we CAN judge is what we did to try. Not how much money, not how we look to the outside world, just within yourself. How much did you try to give your child all the things they needed? How much did you love them? I've tried very hard and will continue to try. It ain't over 'til it's over*. I'm just going to wait and see. Hope they are happy, well adjusted people, then laugh at them when THEY have kids. I can't wait for grandbabies.. Well, I CAN. NOOOO free secret on THAT one! I just like the idea that I get to love them and they take them home!!!
I guess I take comfort in my faith here. I think always of what Joseph Smith said, "teach them correct principles and they govern themselves."
*Okay, I got some advice from Yogi Berra too...
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